Brand Autopsy

Better Coffee. Faster. ** NEVER **

I’m not as unsettled about Starbucks selling smoothies as I am about Starbucks approving this billboard:

LOCATION: Northbound & Southbound on I-35 (near Temple, TX)

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Sadly, this is another decision the company has made which has “… lead to the watering down of the Starbucks experience, and, what some might call the commoditization of our brand." [SOURCE]

As marketers, we know there is not a faster, better, or cheaper route to commoditizing a brand than using unemotional language like: Faster … Better … Cheaper.

Back in the day, Starbucks marketers were coached to: (1) NEVER communicate like a fast food company; (2) NEVER convey a new and improved mindset; and (3) NEVER allow a tactic to take priority over the company’s heritage and personality.

Today is a different day. However, if Starbucks is to truly transform itself back to what in once was … it needs to also transform the language it uses.

Nauseating Advertising from US Airways

First we had CBS deciding to advertise its fall TV season with “On-Egg Messaging.” Now we have US Airways selling adverting space on airsickness bags. This is seriously something US Airways is doing. Really, I ain’t kidding here.

But US Airways must be kidding when a company spokesperson says, "The airsick bag is not used like it was in the past -- primarily with turbo-prop aircraft and cabins that weren't pressurized -- so the negative connotation of the sick sack has gone away." Now that line makes this marketer wanna reach for a barf bag.

Hey … what if CBS had decided to ditch "On-Egg Messaging" for on-bag advertising? Reckon this nauseating advertising would look something like:

Much kudos to Michelle Tampoya for the heads-up.

Creationist WOM Eggs-ample

Last year, CBS promoted its fall television shows on Water Coolers and Prescription Bags. This year, CBS is using “On-Egg Messaging” from Egg Fusion to promote its new shows.

“On-Egg Messaging” is a classic example of Creationist WOM at work. Marketers believing in Creationist WOM contend meaningful Word-of-Mouth Marketing can be an artificially amplified occurrence. These marketers believe they can create conversations between customers through capturing their attention.

According to a Dallas Morning News article, Egg Fusion frames its sales pitch by promoting there are at least four consumer impressions per egg. The first impression happens when you open the egg carton in-store to see if there are any broken eggs. Second impression occurs at-home when you transfer the eggs from its carton to the egg container in your refrigerator. The third impression is when you take the eggs out of the refrigerator as you prep for a meal. And the fourth impression happens when you crack the egg shell. (Impressed?)

George Schweitzer, CBS Marketing Group president, bought the Egg Fusion sales pitch and has high hopes for the effectiveness of the advertising tactic. He’s quoted in the Dallas Morning News article as saying, “It's one of the ways we can be intrusive and inclusive. It's right in your face. You can't avoid it.”

I agree with George … we can’t avoid it. However, we can be annoyed by it. This “On-Egg Messaging” advertising tactic reeks of ad creep to me.

Let’s hope CBS saved some of its marketing dollars to spend on making their television shows worth talking about because if the only thing worth talking about is their “On-Egg Messaging” ... then CBS’s Fall Schedule is in trouble.

Customer Disservice from AOL

From Mike Landman … by way of the always interesting Consumerist blog … we learn how not to deliver customer service from AOL.

All someone wanted to do was cancel his AOL account but the AOL Customer Disservice Rep road-blocked him all the way turning a simple request into an excruciating exercise. Lucky for us, this conversation was taped and we all get to learn from this worst practice.

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Click here to listen.

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It’s interesting to note that last year AOL received over 3.0 million subscriber cancellation requests and in the first three months of 2006, AOL lost another 835,000 subscribers. Which leads me to believe one out of every three calls to AOL Customer Service must involve a cancellation request. (Ouch.) So yeah , AOL Customer Service Reps must be tired of answering cancellation calls. But … that doesn’t mean they should do their best Gerry Spence impersonation and make a case to dissuade a customer from cancelling.

It’s also interesting to note that at its peak, AOL had 35 million subscribers … but today, has around 18.6 million subscribers. (Double Ouch.)

Super Bowl Advertising Insanity

I've updated a vintage Brand Autopsy riff on the Super Bowl advertising insanity and recorded it as a short audiobog.

It's goofy stuff.

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DOWNLOAD AUDIOBLOG HERE
[2:12 minutes | 2.1 MB]

Virtual Product Placement

The same technology that brought us virtual first-down stripe markers during television football broadcasts is now becoming more prevalent in prime-time television with virtual product placement.

Yep, that bag of potato chips you see on-screen may not have been there when the scene was originally shot in the studio but inserted during post-production wizardry. Virtual product placement is ”… a process that uses computer graphics and digital editing to put products like potato chips, soda and shopping bags into television programs after the shows are filmed or taped.”

Get hip to the latest goings-on in the world of virtual product placement from this worthwhile NY Times article (reg. req’d).

My take? Well, the product placement game is a $3.5B+ business and Nielsen has begun efforts to measure the effectiveness of product placements in stimulating customer purchase. I reckon virtual product placement brings a different dimension to the meaningful marketing adage of “what gets measured, gets manufactured.” And I’m not much into manufactured marketing.

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NOTE | also seen on the Agenda INC blog

Home Depot’s Parking Lot Advertising

During brainstorm/ideation sessions, any thoughts that are off-topic, off-base, or need future follow-up get written down in a proverbial parking lot. Well, some marketing ideas are best left on parking lots in conference rooms -- not in parking lots of retail shopping centers. Case in point ... a Home Depot parking lot in Austin, TX.

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Who are the ad creeps behind this ad creep? Parking Stripe Advertising are the creeps.

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RadioShack’s Holiday Irrelevance

This Holiday season expect to see a lot of RadioShack advertising. Kieran Hannon, RadioShack’s vp of marketing and brand communication, had the following to say regarding RadioShack’s heavy-up Holiday advertising blitz …

“We want to entertain [consumers] and make RadioShack relevant and exciting again for people to shop at. We have high awareness, but not high relevance. People don’t realize the depth and breadth of products we have.” [SOURCE: Adweek | Nov. 7 | pg.6]

Hmm, I’m not sure RadioShack gets it. It being … it’s not what you do during the 6-weeks leading up to Christmas that makes a business relevant. It’s what you do during the 46-weeks leading up to the Holidays that makes a business relevant.

If you are expecting a multi-million/multi-dimensional Holiday advertising blitz to make a brand relevant, then you should expect to fail. Businesses and brands are not made with heavy-up Holiday advertising. They are made with all the everyday marketing and business activities done in the many months before Christmas comes.

Say it isn’t so TiVo

TiVo is touting its new ad tagging feature allowing advertisers to insert a branded icon into their commercials. Viewers will now have the opportunity to click on the ad tag to learn more about the product being advertised. This ad tag will appear even as viewers fast-forward through commercials.

What stories are TiVo marketers telling themselves? Do they really believe TiVo users want to learn more about advertisers? I thought TiVo and other DVR device users want to learn less about advertisers by skipping commercials and not more by interacting with them.

In fact, statistics show 71% of all DVRs are used to SKIP commercials. Another way to look at this is the vast majority of TiVo users pay a monthly fee to avoid the commercials they can’t easily avoid through cable, satellite, or broadcast television. Yet, TiVo seems to be stubbornly oblivious to this fact.

David Courtney, TiVo’s CFO, had this to say in response to TiVo’s ad tagging initiative and commercial zapping by DVR users, "That doesn’t mean they want to skip commercials. It means they want information on products and services that are relevant to them.”

Huh? Say it isn’t so TiVo. With that mindset, TiVo just became much less relevant to this consumer.

Yo TiVo … to become more relevant to consumers, stop trying to solve for the marketing challenges facing advertisers. Instead, start re-focusing your efforts on solving for helping consumers better control exactly what they want to watch and more importantly … what they don’t want to watch. Dig?

Enrichment or Entrapment?

Shouldn’t customer loyalty programs be about enrichment and not entrapment?

From my perspective, the Washington Redskins decision to require season ticket holders who purchase seats by credit card to use a Washington Redskins Extra Points™ MasterCard® is more about entrapment than enrichment. However, the team is positioning this program as a way to increase fan loyalty and ease ticket distribution.

I’m aghast less than 10 fans have so far complained about this. I would've thought this marketing maneuver would have created more customer vigilantes.

Snippets from the Washington Post article (reg. req’d) include:

The Washington Redskins are for the first time requiring season ticket holders who buy their seats with a credit card to use a Redskins Extra Points MasterCard, a move the club said will ease ticket distribution and increase fan loyalty, but others said could enhance the team's profits over the long term.

The team will continue to accept cash or checks for seats next season, team officials said.

Redskins spokesman Michael Sitrick said … "The purpose of the Redskins reward program is to build brand loyalty and have field passes and have other things that increases your fan base and obviously hope to sell other Redskins-related products."

The cards, issued by league sponsor MBNA Bank, also will enable the Redskins to track their customers' spending habits, allowing more targeted marketing.

"Where the Redskins benefit is by creating another branded product and offering the fans an inducement to use it," said Chicago-based sports marketer Marc S. Ganis. "If many more people sign up for MBNA credit cards, they likely will use them for non-team related purchases such as groceries, department stores or whatever it is. That can have a modest financial benefit to the team through the sponsorship fee paid by MBNA."

The credit cards are part of the NFL's new Extra Points program, which began in the 2004 season. The NFL earns revenue from league sponsor MBNA Bank for the cards and distributes that money to the 32 teams. Also, each team can earn income based on the number of fans who sign up for the cards and the frequency of their use, according to the league.

It could not be immediately determined whether any other NFL teams are requiring fans to use a team-branded credit card when they buy their tickets. The New England Patriots do not, but they accept only Visa cards, spokesman Stacey James said. Baltimore Ravens spokesman Kevin Byrne said the Ravens have no restrictions of any kind on such purchases.

The Redskins said they had received fewer than 10 complaints about the new requirement, though several fans contacted late last week said they were unhappy with the system.

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Tony Kornheiser, Washington Post sports columnist and television personality, wrote the following in his Monday column …

Season Ticket: $2,350 . . . Redskins MasterCard: Priceless

Maybe if the Redskins were like the Patriots, and contending for the Super Bowl every year, this credit card thing wouldn't seem so smarmy. Or maybe if the Redskins were like the Packers, and making the playoffs every year, this credit card thing wouldn't seem quite so snarky. Heck, maybe if the Redskins were simply finishing above .500 once in a while this credit card thing wouldn't seem so totally cheesy.

But the Redskins aren't winning.

Year after year, they aren't winning.

And while I'm not for a second questioning the owner's desire to win or his commitment to win, it just seems like this is not the time to tell your loyal fans that they'd better use a certain kind of credit card to pay for their season tickets.

With a winning team you could say, "Ahhh, that's just business."

With a losing team you say, "That's crapola."

[Click here to read the rest of Tony’s comments (reg. req’d)]

A Schizophrenic Billboard

This has to be the worst 8-sheet billboard creative I’ve ever seen. There are at least 20 different design/copy elements in this billboard. Schizophrenic indeed.

[billboard posted in Austin, TX]

Real Networks Defunct Marketing Department

The Wall Street Journal reports Real Networks has slashed prices for downloading music. The RealPlayer Music Store will charge 49 cents a song and $4.99 to download an entire album. In comparison, Apple, which supposedly commands a near 70% share of the download music business, charges 99 cents a song and $9.99 for an album.

So … in an attempt to slice market share from Apple, the Real Networks Marketing Department came up with the BRILLIANT idea to run a three-week clearance sale on its digital inventory of music.

As Seth Godin wrote in the Purple Cow … a low price strategy is the last refuge of a marketer who is out of great ideas [Purple Cow, page 106].

Real Networks needs to realize there is a HIGH PRICE to pay for this low price marketing strategy.

Besides losing loads of money … low price sales promotions means lower margins, lower perceived value of a product/service, and it lowers the ability of a company to raise prices in the future. Plus, it antagonizes competitors to lower their prices resulting in a price war where there will be few, if any winners.

The easiest marketing strategy for any marketer to activate is low price. But aren’t we, as marketers, too smart, too savvy, and too damn creative to fall for this low price trap? This is why I say the Real Networks Marketing Department is defunct. They are investing millions of dollars to focus a promotion based on the low price fallacy.

So, what should Real Networks do instead of promoting 49 cent downloads?

Ditch the low price promotion all-together and focus their Freedom of Choice campaign supremely on their remarkably cool and rebelliously hip Harmony technology. Harmony basically hacks the proprietary iPod music format and allows for RealPlayer downloads to be played on iPods. This is big stuff, really big stuff and … THIS IS A BRILLIANT MARKETING OPPORTUNITY!!!!!

"Harmony enables consumers to buy and download music that plays on more than 100 portable devices, including the Apple iPod. Before RealPlayer with Harmony, consumers buying digital music were forced to buy music that only worked on a particular brand of portable device, meaning that they could easily get "locked in" to that device, often without even knowing it." [source: Real Networks press release]

The Real Networks Marketing Department should focus all promotional efforts on the high value of Harmony and not on the low value of low price. Promoting 49 cent downloads will only clutter the bigger (and better) message of universal digital music formats.

Focusing the Freedom of Choice campaign 100% on Harmony will change it from a trite sales promotion to an all-out movement. And we all know ... movements are far more powerful than promotions.

Samples Need to Taste Good

Who else caught the full-page ad in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal for an upcoming book titled, On the Up and Up: Achieving Breakthrough Performance Through Insight? It’s a book commissioned by Hyperion, the leader in enterprise software and services for business performance management, that gathers perspective and practical advice from business and academic leaders.

Sounds intriguing, right?

Well … the marketing tool Hyperion has decided to use to generate interest in the book is to make the foreword (penned by Jeffrey R. Rodek, chairman and chief executive officer of Hyperion) available for download. (In customer evangelist speak, this is a bite-size chunk.)

Being the business book junkie that I am, I made my way over to the download site, smacked down my email address, and received my fix.

Or so I thought.

The bite-size sample foreword was tainted … tainted with insipid egotism and vacuous drivel by Hyperion’s CEO.

In the foreword, this CEO openly refers to his management/leadership style as being worthy of Jim Collins Level 5 status, he uses ‘I’ nearly 90 times, and he takes supreme credit for seemingly insignificant accomplishments all to build up his pedigree. (It should be noted ... "Level 5 leaders channel their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great company." source: Jim Collins website)

Hyperion may know something about business performance management, but they know little about marketing performance management.

If you are going to sample a product, make sure the sample tastes good. Samples that taste good will manage to enhance the marketing performance of the product you are selling. Hyperion's bite-size sample left a bad taste in my mouth and it managed me out of wanting to buy the book.

Want to taste the Hyperion sample for yourself? Click here. You have been warned.

Glitch in the Pitch II

Last January I wrote about receiving a pitch document from an advertising agency that failed miserably in marketing to me. Yet, despite not being able to craft a convincing marketing message to impact me, the agency felt they could craft marketing messages that would impact our customers. A glitch in the pitch.

The latest glitch in the pitch example comes from a customer loyalty firm that managed to capture my attention with a very ingenious pitch document.

This is a very official looking patient file from Loyalty General Hospital complete with x-rays.

(My attention is officially captured.)

So, I open the file to find out the x-rays belong to me … this is my patient file from Loyalty General Hospital. (Nice touch with the hand-written patient name and the checked-boxes. And the x-ray? Look again, it is not giving me the bird.)

The copy under the PRESENT CONDITION header reads:
Patient presents a protracted crossing of the second and third phalanges and metacarpals of the right hand resulting from prolonged wishing and hoping for measurable marketing results. General appearance upon admission is marked by anxiety, nervousness, and unexplained repetition of the question, “who moved my cheese?”

Flip the X-Ray results page up and I learn of my diagnosis – I’m suffering from chronic wishful thinking, hyper-extended budget, and acute hypodigitis (painfully low numbers).

And, my file also contains a plausibly handwritten prescription from two Loyalty General Hospital doctors. The prescription reads: Patient should consult with a team of relationship marketing experts who can eliminate the chronic need for wishful thinking. Ingest a large does of reality and call Dr. Branson at (XXX) XXX-XXXX for a full examination.

I give this pitch document mucho kudos for its creativity and its ability to capture my attention. This is one of the best, most ingenious pitches I have received.

However, the pitch failed and it failed for many reasons. First, one has to dig deep to find out that the company pitching me is not Loyalty General Hospital. Second, no website address is mentioned. (I would like to learn more about this loyalty firm’s approach to designing measurable marketing programs before calling them.) But the biggest reason this pitch failed is … the company put cleverness before the communication.

The pitch is far too clever for its own good. And that is the glitch in the pitch.

Spiderman: BRAND AUTOPSY UPDATE

UPDATE (May 10, 2004).
According to Brand Autopsy sources, it is rumored that the decision to not permit the decoration of bases with Spiderman artwork was less about baseball regulations and more about jealousy between Spiderman and the Hulk. Evidently the Hulk wanted to do a similar promotion with the NFL and goal posts, but was unilaterally declined.

When Brand Autopsy tried to contact the Hulk, he couldn't be located. However, we did reach his close friend, David Banner. We asked Banner to confirm these rumors, his reply ... "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Evidently he doesn’t like investigative reporters.

Spider-Man doesn't make it to first base

From the AP Newswire...

"A day after announcing a novel promotion to put advertisements on bases next month, Major League Baseball reversed course Thursday and eliminated that part of its marketing deal for Spider-Man 2."

Click here for the full story.

If Spider-Man is on First, Who's on Third?

After reading some of the comments to my original post and after reading an article that appeared in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, I have some more HMOs.
(HMOs = Hot Marketing Opinions.)

Major League Baseball’s overall objective with this Spider-Man 2 promotion is to (a) attract younger fans and (b) accommodate sponsors wanting greater visibility .

I seriously question MLB’s strategy of in-stadium publicity stunts promoting blockbuster movies as a way to achieve objective (a). It will take more to attract younger fans to the game of baseball than pulling the trigger on a movie tie-in that reeks of a McDonald’s gimmick to sell more Happy Meals.

As for objective (b) … outfitting stadiums with Spider-Man decorative on-deck circles and logo emblazoned bases will achieve this objective. But at what cost?

I’m not playing the “baseball is a religion and denigrating it with on-field advertising is a travesty” card. I’m bemoaning the fact that my fellow marketers believe that is meaningful marketing … that activity like this will create consumer preference for Spider-Man 2.

Money is a motivator for why baseball teams have agreed to participate in this promotion. The New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox will each receive $100K to participate and the other teams will receive around $50K. ($50K isn’t that much money, but for small market teams like the Expos and the Royals … the incremental $50K will go a long way.)

Let’s look at this from the Columbia/Tri-Star's perspective. According to the Wall Street Journal, they are spending $3 million to $4 million on this promotion (including television ad buys).

Question, if Major League Baseball openly admits they are not attracting enough younger fans, why then does Columbia/Tri-Star decide to reach younger fans through promoting Spider-Man 2 with Major League Baseball?

Question two, what attributes does Major League Baseball have that Columbia/Tri-Star need to borrow to successfully launch Spder-Man 2?

This promotion will generate publicity … I have no doubt about that. But is this marketing that meaningfully tells the Spider-Man 2 story? Or is this another case of marketers disrespecting consumers by engaging in gimmicks and tricks to gain fleeting attention?

Who’s on First? Spider-Man?

This ain’t no joke. Major League Baseball announced that ads for Spider-Man 2 will be atop bases at all MLB games from June 11 – June 13.

Huh? Advertising atop bases? Is the target audience M25-34 with a HH income of $2.5 million?

Seriously ... who is going to see these ads besides the likes of Derek Jeter, Hank Blalock, and Brett Boone? These ads are a mere 4 inches long, will be covered with dirt, and far from view of any fan. Who is going to see these ads?

Now, these ads atop bases are just one component of a more, multi-dimensional promotion that will include event marketing tactics like giving Spider-Man masks to fans. As a publicity stunt, this will no doubt generate media coverage for Spider-Man 2. But, is this the right type of publicity that meaningfully tells the Spider-Man 2 story or is it merely a stunt to get attention?

Jacqueline Parkes, baseball's senior vice president for marketing and advertising, is quoted as saying, "It's the future of how we generate excitement inside the stadium and about the game itself."

Major League Baseball is in trouble if this is how they plan to generate excitement inside the stadium and for the game itself. Serious trouble.

And I ain’t buying that these Spider-Man ads atop bases are “Free Prizes.” Nope. Ain’t buying it. Not today. Not tomorrow.

Viagra Falls

Viagra helps men who suffer from E.D., Erectile Dysfunction, but it looks like Viagra suffers from M.D. ... as in Marketing Dysfunction.

Today I learned Viagra is introducing a loyalty program where after six prescriptions are filled, the seventh prescription is free. Pfizer is calling this program the Value Card and is hoping this tactic will arrest their declining market share that rivals Levitra and Cialis have been aggressively capturing.

Janice Lipsky, U.S. Viagra Marketing Director, was quoted in the Wall Street Journal saying, “This is like a frequent-flier program, where we are building a relationship with our patients for the long term.”

This sounds like a desperate attempt by Viagra to stay competitive.

Viagra, launched in 1998, was the first-mover and first-prover in this category. However, Viagra has not been quick to respond to scientific advancements in erectile dysfunction drugs. It takes Viagra anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to work but Levitra improves upon that by working in 16 minutes. And Cialis improves upon Levitra by being able to last up to 36 hours.

The Viagra loyalty program is not about building a long-term relationship with their patients as their marketing director says. Instead, this is clearly a scheme by Pfizer to milk what is left of the Viagra brand.

I sure hope that the Pfizer R&D department is working on Viagra 2.0 because if they aren’t, Viagra will continue to lose market share to better, more effective options from Levitra and Cialis. And no loyalty program - no matter how clever - can be expected to solve, in a sustainable way, for the shortcomings of a poor product.

Back to that Viagra frequent-flier program comment from their marketing director … will Mile-High Club members get special perks?

Marketing that is finger-pointing bad

Kentucky Fried Chicken is adrift in the abyss of wayward marketing messages. They seem to believe that good marketing is marketing that makes up a story and doesn’t tell the story.

Last fall, KFC made up a story and marketed that a bucket of fried chicken is “health food” because it is low in carbs and high in protein. Before that, they “funkified” the iconic Colonel by turning him into an animated hip-hop buffoon in an attempt to make their comfort food offerings more appealing to a younger audience.

KFC’s next big idea is to offer the runner-up of The Apprentice a one week gig as their Chief Sales Officer to help launch “one of the biggest new product launches in the company's history -- KFC's Oven Roasted chicken product line.”

Huh? KFC is about to embark on one of their biggest new product launches in the company’s history and the only thing compelling about the new product is that either Bill Rancic or Kwame Jackson will hawk it via publicity stunts and a television commercial.

Obviously, there is nothing special or unique about KFC’s new Oven Roasted chicken. Why else would they resort to making up a story and not telling the story of why their new Oven Roasted chicken is the biggest product launch in the company’s history?

However, Gregg Dedrick, KFC’s President and Chief Concept Officer, seems downright giddy about this marketing stunt. He is quoted in the NY Post as saying, "We're thrilled about the prospect of teaming one of today's newest and most talented, young executives with a well-respected, American brand like KFC.”

I think Gregg Dedrick and Scott Bergren, KFC’s Executive Vice-President for Marketing and Food Innovation, need some schooling on when to use a “celebrity” spokesperson.

For that schooling, I suggest Gregg and Scott read Sergio Zyman’s The End of Advertising as We Know It. In the book, Sergio expertly articulates when a company/brand should use a celebrity endorser.

“If your brand doesn't already conjure up the images and associations you want consumers to get when they think of your brand, you’ll then need to borrow those qualities from someone or something that already has them.”

What attributes does Bill Rancic or Kwame Jackson have that KFC needs to borrow to successfully launch their Oven Roasted chicken product?

If the only thing special about KFC’s Oven Roasted chicken is a loose association with The Apprentice … then I argue that KFC shouldn’t launch such an unremarkable product.

The Brand Called Omarosa

While traveling last Friday, I picked up the USA Today and read comments from former Apprentice contestants “fired” by Donald Trump. These former contestants were commenting on the lessons they learned from the show, the key mistake(s) they made to get fired, and what they would have done differently.

Since Brand Autopsy is a marketing/branding focused blog, I was especially intrigued by Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth’s comments...

The primary lesson that I learned was the importance of branding. Inspired by Trump's branding brilliance, I am building my own brand by launching a line of business suits and accessories, exploring book and TV deals and a nationwide speaking tour. I made the mistake of not focusing solely on the task at hand and not focusing on relationships. It would have been more strategic to develop alliances in order to survive in such a high-stakes game.

I’m afraid that Omarosa learned the built-to-flip mentality to branding from Donald Trump.

It is my opinion (and experience) to build a brand that is built-to-last, you must first clearly establish what makes your brand unique, compelling, and meaningful. Once you have established what your band stands for and made your brand compelling and meaningful to consumers, then you can explore the areas to extend the reach of your brand.

If you rush the branding process by extending the reach of your brand before you establish what your brand stands for, then you are following the built-to-flip branding process. Omarosa is clearly trying to extend her fifteen minutes of fame by striking fast. Too fast, if you ask me.

Not Smart Kmart

Justin Hitt made some good points and asked some thought-provoking questions in response to my most recent Kmart rant on the stupidity of airing television ads featuring a spokesperson who was found guilty of obstructing justice and lying to the government. Justin’s comments and questions spurred some more HMOs (hot marketing opinions) from me.

“If your brand doesn't already conjure up the images and associations you want consumers to get when they think of your brand, then you'll need to borrow those qualities from someone or something that already has them.”
Sergio Zyman from "The End of Advertising as We Know It”

That is exactly why Kmart first hooked up with Martha Stewart. Kmart lacked an identity and it deftly decided to borrow Martha Stewart’s identity to help give them an identity.

In fact, Kmart took a big risk in initially establishing a relationship with Martha Stewart. Back in 1987 Martha Stewart was just emerging on the national scene and that was when Kmart signed her as a spokesperson/consultant. One could argue that Kmart failed miserably in maximizing the relationship because it wasn’t until 1997, long after the brand called Martha became an icon, when Kmart introduced the Martha Stewart Everyday product line.

Martha Stewart’s branded products now generate $1.5 billion in sales revenue for Kmart and account for more than 5% of the retailer’s total sales (Detroit News). It remains to be seen if consumers can separate the high taste/low price image that is Martha Stewart with the image a Martha Stewart as a convicted felon. One Kmart shopper said, “I’m not buying her, just her products” (Detroit News).

To an extent, I agree with that shopper’s comments. But that is a sample size of one.

There is far too much uncertainty in how the story of Martha Stewart as a convicted felon will unfold in the media and in court of public opinion. Because of this uncertainty, I think Kmart took a HUGE RISK is running a television ad flight featuring Martha Stewart. Already, WCBS has pulled the syndicated Martha Stewart Living television show from its schedule and I am sure more affiliates will follow.

Play it safe. That is all I think Kmart should have done with Martha Stewart and their current television flight. To play it safe, Kmart should have simply chosen not to feature Martha in the commercials during her trial and subsequent guilty verdict. All they had to do was play it safe be re-editing the spots and replace the Martha scenes with maybe a little more of that Joe Boxer guy dancing down the aisles.

Back to Zyman’s comments earlier … it remains to be seen if the brand called Martha can retain its positive “juju” and it is that “juju” that Kmart needs to borrow since the Kmart brand is “juju-fee.”

There is too much uncertainty around Martha Stewart for Kmart to continue using her as a spokesperson. Play it safe Kmart. Because in this case, it is far better to be safe than to be sorry.

Kmart, you have some explaining to do.

I’ve ranted before about the marketing (or lack thereof) practiced by Kmart. But, their latest gaffe is inexcusable.

Why on earth is Kmart running television ads featuring Martha Stewart?

I just saw a Kmart spot with Martha flashing the ‘K’ sign and gleefully saying, “It's in the K!” I also just changed the channel and saw yet another television news report on Martha being found guilty of obstructing justice and lying to the government.

Again I ask, why is Kmart running television ads featuring Martha Stewart?

The marketing department at Kmart knew full well when their next media flight was to run. They also knew full well when Martha Stewart was going to be on trial. So why didn’t they pull their media schedule? Why did they decide to continue running ads featuring Martha during her trial? And why didn’t they pull the ads that were scheduled to air immediately following learning of the guilty verdict?

Who is running the marketing asylum at Kmart? Whoever it is should be found guilty of reckless marketing and sentenced to a lifetime in the “time out” room without parole.

I have no patience for marketers who are reckless brand caretakers. Its marketers like them that give marketing a bad name.

I am dumbfounded that Kmart would be so reckless in not pulling these television spots. Sure it'll cost them money to yank the media schedule. But taking the financial hit will be easier to swallow than enduring yet another massive withdrawl from the Kmart brand equity balance sheet.

'Anti-Marketing' Marketing from Pizza Inn

Since this is Brand Autopsy, I’m gonna put on my marketing coroner gloves and get to work probing what went wrong with this Pizza Inn print ad that ran in the Dallas Morning News on Super Bowl Sunday.

Background Information
Pizza Inn website
Nasdaq (PZZI)
$58.5 million sales (FY'03)
420 locations (concentrated in the southern half of the United States)
Key competitors include: Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Dominoes, among many other pizza chains

Click above to examine the Pizza Inn print ad.

An Open Letter to Pizza Lovers:

Today, on the biggest televised sporting event of the year, you’ll see action, excitement, and the thrills and spills of football at its best. But there’s one thing you won’t see this afternoon – a single commercial from Pizza Inn.

>> I’ll let the contrived “Pizza Lovers” opening slide by because this ad has many more fatal errors than that one. The first fatal error being that “open letter” advertising formats are best used when companies need to make an apology or to publicly admit guilt of some sort. Because of these strong “negative” associations with “open letter” advertising formats, I do not think Pizza Inn choose the right format to tell their positive story. Now, if this was a response ad to a “mad cow pepperoni scare,” then I would say the open letter format works. However, there is no “mad cow pepperoni scare” (at least not to my knowledge).

COMMERCIALS, THE SUPER BOWL, AND CHEESY PICK-UP LINES

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Click here for an UPDATED posting from Feb. 4, 2006

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MAN, I CAN HARDLY HEAR MYSELF THINK IN HERE. THIS PLACE IS REALLY HAPPENING TONIGHT. THE MUSIC IS LOUD, THE LADIES ARE LOOKING GOOD, THE LIBATIONS ARE FLOWING, AND THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG. BOO-YAA!!!!

WHY AM I SCREAMIN’? WELL, ISN’T THAT WHAT ONE HAS TO DO TO GET HEARD AT A BAR THAT PACKED WALL-TO-WALL WITH HIP SINGLES LOOKING FOR A HOOK-UP?

BUT WAIT, I’m not at the “ohh so trendy” bar that is hippest and most happenin’ spot in town.

NOPE, I’M ONE OF THE MILLIONS OF ELIGIBLE CUSTOMERS WATCHING THE SUPER BOWL ADS -- AND I AM LOOKING GOOD TONIGHT. AFTER ALL, THIS PLACE IS FULL OF SEXY BRANDS HOPING TO SCORE A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH ME. BOO-YAA!!! (Last “boo-yaa” … I promise.)

I CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR ALL THE GREAT PICK-UP LINES FROM THESE SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS.

YEAR AFTER YEAR, I’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF HEARING SOME AWESOME PICK-UP LINES FROM SOME SEXY BRANDS. LAST YEAR, I HOOKED UP WITH PEPSI -- THOSE BRITNEY SPEARS SPOTS WERE THE BOMB!

A FEW YEARS AGO, I HOOKED-UP WITH DORITOS … ALL BECAUSE OF THOSE ALI LANDRY COMMERCIALS. AND BEFORE THAT, I HOOKED UP WITH SOME REAL PUSSYCATS THANKS TO THE EDS HERDING CATS SPOTS.

Ridiculous, ain’t it? And to think, companies are spending about $2.25 million for each 30-second encounter with 90 million eligible customers to deliver their best pick-up line in hopes of scoring a one-night brand stand.

Advertising at the Super Bowl is like being trapped in a cheesy singles bar. No thank you, I’ll pass. Instead, my best friend knows a gal from work and he tells me she is just my type.

A Glitch in The Pitch

I must receive at least 10 pitch letters/packages a week from advertising agencies extolling why they are the best agency in the land and that we should work with them to develop marketing campaigns that get results.

One such pitch letter intrigued me -- not because it was remarkable, but because it was so unremarkable.

This particular pitch letter was 100% cookie-cutter. Nothing in the letter was customized to appeal to me. No mention of key issues that my company faces. No mention of the challenges facing us in the age of parity and commoditization. (Note to ad agencies … sending out “cookie-cutter come-ons” is not going to get my attention.)

In unremarkably remarkable fashion, the pitch began this way:

John, over the past several months I¹ve sent you a number of things in the mail hoping to stimulate a conversation about my company, and our approach to marketing.

Let’s stop right there. If this agency can’t capture my attention (which after sending me numerous pitch packages, they obviously haven't), then how will they capture the attention of our customers?

Seriously. Here is a marketing message crafted by an advertising agency that failed to connect with me and yet, they think they can craft marketing messages that will connect with our customers. Hmm ... that's the glitch in the pitch.

Wendy’s Obesity Problem

Paul, my fellow brand coroner, posted a list of fast food and casual restaurants that have jumped on the DC (dietary correct) bandwagon. I was especially intrigued with Wendy’s and their low-fat marketing strategy given that low-carb is so today and low-fat is so yesterday.

The “Wendy’s 05 in ‘04” marketing campaign promotes their value offering of a “hot, plain baked potato, delicious small chili, and a fresh side salad with fat-free dressing.” Each costing 99 cents and when combined, these three Super Value Menu offerings have a total of 5 grams of fat. Doesn’t this marketing strategy feel 10 years too late?

Or have Wendy’s marketers decided to zig with low-fat messaging since every other food establishment has decided to zag by going the low-carb route?

If that wasn’t interesting enough, there is more. The following “05 in ‘04” print ad is currently running on the back page of Cooking Light magazine.

Wouldn’t you love to be the Wendy’s marketing manager with a bloated advertising budget that they can easily plop down $90K for a back cover page ad in a magazine that seems to be so off target? The Wendy’s potato/chili/salad ad seems so out of place in Cooking Light, a healthy gourmet lifestyle magazine. Sure, the media planner is trying to hit a reach/frequency number with the Cooking Light placement. But wouldn’t People magazine or Entertainment Weekly be a better lifestyle fit for the potato/chili/salad ad?

Or is it a case of the Wendy’s marketing manager having too high a BMI. Not body mass index -- bloated media index.