Brand Autopsy

Greater the Promoters, Greater the Growth

This past week I read a very interesting Harvard Business Review article, "The One Number You Need to Grow," penned by Frederick Reichheld. I encourage you to get a copy of the article ... it is a worthy read.

Reichheld’s research indicates that there is a strong correlation between a company’s growth rate and the percentage of it’s customers who are willing to recommend the company to a friend. His working assumption is that evangelical customer loyalty is one of the most important drivers of growth as Reichheld contends, “the ultimate act of loyalty is a recommendation to a friend.”

His article focuses on how companies have gone astray in trying to measure “loyalty” through complicated customer satisfaction surveys. Instead, he contends, “you don’t need expensive surveys and complex statistical models. You only have to ask your customers one question: How likely is it that you would recommend [company x] to a friend or a colleague."

In his case studies, Reichheld used a ten-point scale to measure the likelihood of a customer recommendation where 10 means “extremely likely” to recommend, 5 means “neutral,” and 0 means “not at all likely” to recommend.

Customers that answered with a 9 or a 10 were classified as “Promoters.” Those that answered with a 7 or 8 were classified as “Passively Satisfied” and those that gave ratings from 0 to 6 were classified as “Detractors.”

This leads to Reichheld’s simplistic premise -- “The path to sustainable, profitable growth begins with creating more promoters and fewer detractors.”

I may have overly simplified his HBR report but the critical nugget of knowledge for marketers is that Reichheld, a long-time believer that customer loyalty is the harbinger for whether or not a company can activate and sustain profitability, is now singing the praises of getting evangelical loyal customers to become, in essence, the marketing department.

Sound familiar? It should.

In Creating Customer Evangelists, Ben McConnell and Jackie Huba expertly wrote about not only the importance of getting current customers to become, in essence, a volunteer sales force but they also gave tactical advice on how businesses can engage their loyal customers to become evangelical “promoters.”

While I have your attention, I gotta close with a plug. On March 16th, Ben and Jackie will drop by the Brand Autopsy coroner offices for the second leg of their Business Blog Book Tour.

Street Corner Selling – Lesson #4

Today’s lesson is MERCHANDISING

In Lesson #3, you learned how street corner sellers procure their product. In Lesson #4, we take a look at how drug dealers merchandise their procured product. As with the previous lessons, this inisght into the business practices of drug delears comes from Dealing Crack written by Bruce Jacobs.

After purchasing their “bundle,” the sellers package individual quantities for retail.

A bopper purchased wholesale (for $100), might be broken down into ten $20 rocks – yielding $200 in sales or double the investment. Quarter-ounces purchased wholesale (for $250) might be broken down into some combinations of fifties, twenties, and tens that equaled, when retailed, $500. Half-ounces purchased wholesale (for $500) might be broken down into boppers, fifties and twenties equal to $1,000 at retail.

The goal is to double one’s money. More often than not, this is a goal and nothing more. As K-Rock explained, “The only way to double your money like that for real is to sell twenties. You need twenty sales to make a straight profit.”

On the street, dealers confront desperate and financially strapped users wanting to “get over” – soliciting twenties for $12, fifties for $40, or tens for $3 or $4. Buyers would sometimes reportedly bring the full amount to a transaction and attempt to either hide this fact or more brazenly, ask for change from the dealers they were trying to short.

To maintain profit margins, dealers might bite open a baggie, break off the quantity requested, and sell the remainder later for its marginal value – or even at full price to some dupe. Breaking off pieces; however, is inconvenient, imprecise, messy (crumbs might be dropped, and time-consuming. In the meantime, a sale might be lost to competition or, worse yet, observed by police.

To avoid this, a small number of $5 and $10 rocks might be prepackaged. Such nickel and dime sales, however – referred to as “kibbles and bits” – were disliked. Like most merchants, crack dealers want to make the fewest sales for the most money.

Street Corner Selling background reading
Lesson #1: Customer Acquisition
Lesson #2: Ten Minute Rule
Lesson #3: Procurement

Huh? -- Duh!

Finally, a marketing agency that is transparent enough to tell prospective clients the truth.
Our main strategy is to convince people that we do stuff they can't do themselves, and that we deserve lots of money for it. The best way to do this is to always look good, and always sound like we know something you don't.

If you're still not convinced, we'll show you lots of market research and cost analysis and global positioning strategy reports to confuse you and hopefully convince you that we're so knowledgeable you couldn't possibly succeed without us. Because you can't. So don't even try.

And get this … they are solutions-focused.
Our creative team will come up with ideas you never even thought of. How could you? You don't have the talent we do. Don't take it personally. That's our job. That's what we do. We do stuff.

Most companies like ours just provide regular solutions. Not us. We provide solutions that are revolutionary and groundbreaking. Our solutions are newer than anyone else's, and they sound better because we give them cool titles like "Global Awareness Paradigms," and "Market Consciousness Philosophies," and "Creative Product Re-development Support."

When we deliver your new business strategies to you, they'll be in really snazzy binders that look nice sitting on big, round meeting tables, so you'll know you got your money's worth. When your project has been completed, we'll give you several follow-up phone calls to give the appearance that we
even remember who you are or what we sold you.

Huh?

Yes, huh?

Thanks to David Young at Branding Blog for alerting the blogging community to this outrageously funny marketing agency satire website. Just the thing to end this cynical marketer’s day who has endured numerous pitch calls and leafed through numerous pitch letters/documents from marketing and advertising agencies today.

Street Corner Selling – Lesson #3

Today’s lesson is PROCUREMENT (“Copping One’s Supply”)

In business, procurement is the process of obtaining goods, services, supplies, and equipment. Once something is procured, it can be retailed. Without procurement, no business would be in business. Same goes for drug dealers -- without product to deal, no deal to be made. Bruce Jacobs writes in Dealing Crack about how street corner sellers approach the procurement process.

Customary purchases were fifties ($50 worth of crack wholesale, about a gram), boppers ($100 worth of crack wholesale, about ten $20 rocks), quarter ounces ($250 wholesale), and, less frequently, half-ounces ($500 wholesale). Fifties and boppers comprise the modal purchases and generally could be bought within the neighborhood.

Price and quality, though fairly uniform, varied enough so that sellers had an incentive to shop around. Convenience was overriding, but if individual sellers thought they could readily get a better ‘play,’ they would look for it.

As Prus (street corner seller) notes, buyers want a good product at a fair price, but “buying is far from a static or simple dollars and cents exchange.” It requires a degree of “reflective planning” and is “strikingly qualifies” by the activities of those whose services buyers seek.

Sellers typically purchase their supply already rocked up (prefabricated product). As Fade explained, “It’s best to get the shit hard. They [sellers] already know how much to put in of what – how to cut it up, how much water and all that.”

Though buying is always a gamble … procuring a prefabricated product eased sellers’ fears of being swindled. Nonetheless, inexperienced sellers benefited from bringing smokers with them to verify a purchase’s authenticity. More seasoned vendors did not bother with “tasters” because they were able to discern product quality by smell, touch, and sight.

Cool News about Cool News

I'll apologize upfront for "preaching to the choir." Cause if you are reading this marketing-related blog, then you most likely also read Tim Manners’ Reveries and receive his daily Cool News of the Day email. (And if you don't, then do not pass go and do not collect $200 until you sign-up to receive the Reveries email.)

Tim is a marketing godsend. Yes, a marketing godsend. The service he provides to marketers is unparalleled. He scours (for those still with a dot-com hangover, substitute aggregate for scour) articles from around the globe that stimulate his marketing mind. It just so happens these articles also stimulate this marketer’s mind. He doesn’t simply link to the interesting articles, he condenses the articles into an easily digestible three paragraph summary. No fluff, just the crux. For us time-starved marketers ... Tim is a godsend.

Recently, I received my copy of Tim’s recently published book -- Cool News about Retail: from Warhol to Wal-Mart. (This is Tim's second book from his Reveries writings, his first was Cool News of the Day Volume One.)

Cool News about Retail is a compilation of 92 retail-focused stories from the past 14 months of his daily Cool News of the Day email. The stories have held up well over the months and all of them are still extremely relevant. And, for some reason, these stories seem to resonate more with me on paper than through email. Maybe its because I can't dog-ear an email like I can a page in a book. Or maybe the act of being able to highlight phrases and scribble notes in the margins makes reading the paper version more meaningful than the email version.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, a good marketing book to me is one that helps me generate new ideas that I can implement at work. Cool News about Retail did just that. I dog-eared 21% of the pages in this short book. Yep, 19 of the 89 pages have been dog-eared. And, the blank pages in the back of the book are jammed with notes and ideas.

I highly encourage you to pick up Cool News About Retail.

Cool? Cool.

Saved by the Bell

No, this one is not about Mr. Belding and Screech... (not exactly) It's about being on time for meetings.

If your office is like mine, you have too many meetings. So many that you most likely have them back-to-back-to-back.

It's a problem.

To make matters worse, our meetings rarely start at the scheduled time. Being 5 or 10 minutes late is "standard operating procedure" for many of folks.

There is always some key stakeholder trying to make it across the building - and you can't start until they arrive.

My recommended solution?

Bells.

Yep. A bell ringing at the top of the hour (to start) and a bell at 5-minutes before the hour (to conclude). Just like in school.

Yeah, I know...It sounds silly. It's not rocket science, but in an organization where decisions require multi-departmental input, meetings are necessary.

I feel that being late is inconsiderate... Heck, I'll carry a stack of files from meeting to meeting all day long to avoid being late. I'm considering getting a book bag or maybe a small red wagon.

The secret is in having 55-minute meetings, not 60. If we had the bell at 5-minutes before the hour to indicate the end of the meeting - that would allow enough time to get to your next meeting. Perhaps even to stop by your desk and pick up the files you need for the next meeting. (i.e. get to your locker to drop off your English Lit book and grab your Advanced American History text and spiral notebook).

I think I'll drop a note in the suggestion box on Monday. I wonder if I can get them to also add a nurse's office?

Street Corner Selling - Lesson #2

Today’s lesson is the TEN MINUTE RULE.

Like many customer-service focused retailers, Starbucks has a standing policy that instructs their stores to open ten minutes before they are supposed to open and to stay open ten minutes after they are supposed to close. Implementing the Ten Minute Rule is a relatively easy way for retailers to surpass customer expectations and to get an edge against their competition.

Some drug dealers take a similar approach. Dealing Crack (Bruce A. Jacobs) tells us how street corner sellers apply the Ten Minute Rule to their business.

Sellers used a number of tactics to achieve “separation from the crowd.” The simplest method was to be out early and stay out late, monopolizing sales during inconvenient time slots.

“Best time to sell in the mornin’. Six, seven a.m. Ain’t got to worry about nuthin’ for real. No cats [rivals], no police trippin’ on you. They [police] think you are on your way to school.”
Skates - street corner seller

I like sellin’ late at night – three a.m. – ain’t nobidy out. The few car that do come through, they fixin’ to spend some money. When you see a car hit the corner, you already know who it is. Only a buyer … come through that late.
Fade – street corner seller

Late night, off-time sales also tend to attract the truly desperate crack fiend – one who probably is not able to spend a good deal of money or one who may ask for credit or try to pull a scam. Yet, given the fierce competition an stagnating demand, stray sales become more important than ever.

Street Corner Selling – Lesson #1

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing with you some illuminating insights about marketing and business through a most unlikely source – drug dealers.

The insights are from a book titled, Dealing Crack authored by Bruce A. Jacobs. The intent of the book was not to parallel street corner drug dealing business models with legitimate business models. However, when I read this book some years back, I couldn't help but draw the parallels myself.

Before you automatically dismiss this as outlandish and ridiculous – think for a second. Drug dealers must design their business in the same ways that legitimate businesses do. From procurement of product to making strategic real estate (location) decisions to acquiring customers … the parallels between street corner selling and running a legitimate business are endless.

As business practitioners, we can learn from our street corner selling counterparts.

Today’s lesson is on Customer Acquisition: Bum Rush and the Myth of First Mover Advantage.

In this competition (bum rushing), at least two sellers – but usually more – would make an entrepreneurial wind sprint to a newly spotted customer. Whoever arrived first would get the sale or, at least, would be in the best position to get it. The more desperate for money one or more sellers were, and the more of them convened in space and time, the more prone to bum rushing they appeared to become. As A-Train (street corner seller) put it, “It be like ants tryin’ to get a piece of crumb.”

Being surrounded by throngs of hucksters, all proclaiming the superiority of their product, spitting rocks into their hands, clutching rocks with a death grip, shoving each other out of the way, and jostling the buyer in the process, is no doubt disconcerting to the buyer. The buyer does not know whom to deal with, who is selling the real thing and who is not, whose rocks are the biggest, whose rocks just look bigger by virtue of clever packaging, and if or when the police will appear.

Transacting with the first seller on the scene – though expeditious – is not necessarily wise. Taking the first stone offered may allow users to leave the area quickly and reduce their risk of arrest, but they might not come away with the real thing. A better deal might be forthcoming with a little patience.

Street Corner Selling Curriculum:
Lesson #2: Ten Minute Rule

"Fight the Propaganda" Debate

Should Marketers have anything to do with Political advertising?

Rich Silverstein (Goodby, Silverstein & Partners) wrote an editorial in the Feb 2nd issue of AdWeek (click for PDF) where he makes a case for why advertising agencies should not get involved with crafting political ads.

Here at Brand Autopsy we have some “HMOs” (hot marketing opinions) on this subject matter. And since we are in the throws... er... throes [thanks mom!] of political primary season complete with debates galore, we thought it was appropriate to stage our own debate stemming from Silvertein’s editorial. It’s more of a point/counter-point than an actual debate. Allow us some leeway and play along. Okay?

We begin with Brand Autopsy Coroner Moore Disagreeing with Silverstein – read his dissection of the idea.

Brand Autopsy Examiner Williams Agreeing with Silverstein – read his examination and reply to Mr. Moore.

Next, Moore's long-winded rebuttal.

Finally, Williams' clever closing statement.

Enjoy. Williams + Moore

"Fight the Propaganda" - John's Rebuttal

If you are just now joining us for the "Fight the Propaganda" Blog Debate between Paul Williams and John Moore, begin your reading here.

Paul you ignorant slut. You have been bamboozled. And, you have been hoodwinked into believing that there is a discernable difference between political advertising and product advertising. The principles behind each are the same -- both are about building awareness and driving preference. Even the measurements of success are similar. For product advertising, it’s ultimately about generating sales and increasing market share. For political advertising, it’s about generating votes and increasing market share.

I fundamentally disagree with Silverstein’s comments. Essentially, he is saying that marketers should use their persuasive powers for good -- product advertising. And not for evil -- political advertising. I do not think its that easy to distinguish “good” from “evil” in this case.

As long as marketers and advertisers create messages that are genuine, meaningful, and truthful … then all is fair. Creating genuine messages is not about being boring. It’s about creating marketing messages that do not over-promise. Too many marketing messages in the advertising world over-promise and ultimately under-deliver. And we wonder why consumers have become cynical towards marketing messages?

As long as marketers have the discipline and the integrity to create compelling marketing messages that TELL THE STORY and don’t MAKE UP A STORY, then there shouldn’t be any controversy over advertising agencies creating political ads or product ads for that matter. I cannot stress enough, marketers today must TELL THE STORY and not make up a story about the brands and products they promote.

DEBATE MODERATOR
Mr. Moore, your character spaces are up. Time is up...

And, if elected Marketing Czar of the Free Enterprise World, I promise to pass an amendment to the Marketing Constitution that will require companies to engage in meaningful marketing. Under my leadership, companies that continue to violate the trust of consumers by engaging in meaningless advertsing and over-promising on their brand proposition will be prosecuted to the fullest exent of Moore's Law. To all advertisers that resisit, I say boldy and confidently, "BRING IT ON!!!". Because all marketing messages are not created equal. Furthermore, I promise to reduce the brand deficeit that...

DEBATE MODERATOR
Mr. Moore, your passion is admired but your time has expired. Mr. Williams, you have 200 words for a rebuttal blog.
{Mr. Williams' entry follows below.}

"Fight the Propaganda" - Williams' Closing Comments

DEBATE MODERATOR
Mr. Williams, you may proceed. You have 200 words.

Here's what we can expect if we allow marketers and advertisers to keep spinning our presidential candidate platforms...

Political Issue	AdverSpin Slogan
Abortion 'right to choose'	"Have it your way."
Sex education in schools	"Just Do It."
Support additional funding for troop readiness	"When you care enough to send the very best"
Ease federal restrictions on gun possession	"Don't leave home without it."
Champion pollution and acid rain issues	"When it rains, it pours."
Decrease USDA requirements for livestock inspection	"Where's the beef?"
Strengthen regulation of the Clean Water Act	"Good to the last drop."
Affirmative action	"Raise your hand if you're sure."
Public transit	"Let your fingers do the walking."
Early release of non-violent mentally ill patients	"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't"
Education reform	"Think different."
Violent criminals serve full prison sentences	"Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'
Oppose government mandates to curtail sexual content on television	"M'm! M'm! Good"
Allow same-sex couples to form civil unions	"Reach out and touch someone."
Decriminalize the possession of small amounts of marijuana	"The quicker picker upper."

Special thanks to the aptly named website AdSlogans.com for the awesome collection of… ad slogans! Be sure to visit vote-smart.com to learn more about the political process and the candidates.

"Fight the Propaganda" - Dissection

DEBATE MODERATOR
What you are about to read is a debate between Brand Autopsy’s marketing coroners Paul Williams and John Moore. Today’s topic is the recent Rich Silverstein editorial that appeared in the Feb 2nd edition of ADWEEK. John Moore will begin with the opening blog, Paul Williams will respond with his opening blog, and then the two will each have 200 words for rebuttal blogs.

Click on it to get a the PDF of the entire article.

John Moore, you have one blog entry to address the topic.

Hello readers of the Brand Autopsy blog, it is my pleasure to address you today on a topic that is not only timely, but a topic that is sure to have lasting implications for marketers and advertisers alike. In the Feb. 2nd issue of ADWEEK, advertising living legend Rich Silverstein (Goodby, Silverstein & Partners) penned a column in which he argues that advertising agencies should have nothing to do with political advertising. Here are exact quotes from the article...

"With the elections so close, it's time for me to suggest that our industry stay away from political advertising. It's too easy for politicians to hide behind a 30-second commercial. This format does not allow for any depth or insight into our country's problems. It allows candidates to simplify complicated solutions into a cliché."

"Political advertising is a form of propaganda, and we should have nothing to do with it."

"Political advertising offers sound bites with no real substance. First-level slogans that appeal to the lowest common denominator."

"Shouldn't we elect people who can communicate on their own, who can think on their feet and aren't a creation of their handler's?"

"I have enormous respect for our industry and its power to define our culture and persuade minds. That is why I believe so strongly that political advertising should not be used to determine our country's future."

I find these quotes from Rich Silverstein to be incredulous. Why do I find the quotes so incredulous? Because by simply replacing the word “politician” with “product” along with a few other minor tweaks in order to make the quotes flow properly, Rich's editorial takes on a whole new meaning -- one that I am sure he had no intention of making. Read the following and my point should become blatantly apparent…

"With purchasing cycles so short, it's time for me to suggest that our industry stay away from product advertising. It's too easy for products to hide behind a 30-second commercial. This format does not allow for any depth or insight into solving for consumer's problems. It allows brands to simplify complicated solutions into a cliché."

"Product advertising is a form of propaganda, and we should have nothing to do with it."

"Product advertising offers sound bites with no real substance. First-level slogans that appeal to the lowest common denominator."

"Shouldn't we buy products that can stand on their own, products that can solve consumer problems on their own and aren't a creation of their handler's?"

"I have enormous respect for our industry and its power to define our culture and persuade minds. That is why I believe so strongly that product advertising should not be used to determine a consumer's future."

I don’t know about you, but I choose products much the same way I choose political candidates. I look for certain qualities/attributes in products just as I do in politicians. I look to products to “solve” for problems I have as I look to political candidates to “solve” for problems our country has. I need to be educated on the uniqueness of products just as I need to be educated on the uniqueness of politicians. I associate myself with certain products just as I associate myself with certain politicians. The similarities are endless.

That is why I cannot understand how Rich Silverstein can draw such a bold line separating product advertising from political advertising. If he cannot stomach the thought of advertising agencies defining the culture and persuading minds by creating political advertisements then how has he been stomaching advertising agencies defining the culture and persuading minds by creating product advertisements?

DEBATE MODERATOR
Thank you Mr. Moore.
{Mr. Williams' entry follows below.}

"Fight the Propaganda" - Re-Examination

DEBATE MODERATOR
Thank you Mr. Moore. Mr. Williams, your opening blog please.

Despite what the TV ad claims, there is little risk if my jug of ‘thicker formula’ Clorox bleach doesn’t truly get my whites whiter…

However, there is a lot more at stake if my as-seen-on-TV candidate who “gets the job done” can’t get the job done.

In a way, Mr. Silverstein is making an admission about the manipulation that takes place by marketers through advertising. The ways we make claims and persuade consumers with regard to products and services.

Do we really want the folks who find a way to call a product “new and improved” because of a “change in package color scheme” to work that same slight-of-hand on the next leader of the free world?

In an era when the headlines report daily of alleged cheats, thieves, and hucksters what we could really use right now is substance – not sizzle.

Finally, Mr. Silverstein can draw such a bold line because he realizes the benefits of consumer products are pretty clear and limited… and none of them will be expected to influence social welfare, decision in occupying countries or our natural resources.

I don’t choose my toothpaste the same way I choose my political candidate.

Sunday Morning Reading

While sipping on some coffee this Sunday morning, I came across a few interesting online reads.

Please, Do Believability Check (by Tom Hespos)
Tuesday January 27, 2004
"Cynicism is one of the reasons why we need to check all of our communications, especially online communications, for believability. When we make claims that are questionable, or otherwise communicate something to the consumer that is perceived as something less than true, the consumer tends to dismiss anything else that comes out of our mouths. In such a situation, how can we expect to build a trustworthy brand?" For more, click here.

****************************************

There is a contest going on at Adland that is looking for the stupidest line uttered by a marketing/advertising boss. The winner is supposed to announced on Monday. You gotta sift through a lot of small copy to find some real gems. Its worth it.

adland: AdVent - best horrible line wins!
Monday, January 26, 2004
"We've all been there, when your client or boss says something incredibly stupid in he heat of the moment. Lines like "What's the latest I can approve this and still have it ASAP?". Classics like "Perfect! See changes." For more, click here.

****************************************

Mark Ramsey
founder and president of Mercury Radio Research
Mark writes a worthy blog, "Radio Marketing Nexus", that delivers "cutting edge insights to help you market your radio station better and win more listeners." If you dig into the Mercury Radio Research site you'll discover a very interesting presentation "Which Marketing Techniques Work and Which Don't." This presentation has a HEAVY radio slant (as you would expect) but if you are interested in creating more effective media messages, then I suggest you peruse the pdf presentation.

Jargon ... take me away

I received an email the other day from someone in IT seeking to schedule a meeting to discuss how the marketing department and the IT department can work better together. However, the email was cloaked with far too much jargon. I swear, the email went as follows:

"Let's coordinate schedules to discuss the process for engaging IT, from a 'potential' solution's inception (to conceptualize how a product or solution may be designed to meet the business requirements of Marketing) through implementation and support."

Naturally, I had to fight jargon with jargon. I replied with this,

"Great. Looking forward to proactively engaging IT with our intra-departmental team in order to dimensionalize the available leveragable opportunities to create synergy that is solutions-focused and customer-centric. I’ll bring the low-hanging fruit, who can bring the metrics?"

Speaking of low-hanging fruit ... back in the day, Fast Company used to print a Consulting Debunking Unit column that would examine a commonly used consultant-speak phrase like "low-hanging fruit" and debunk its meaning. Check out how they debunked the "low-hanging fruit" term.

While we are on this topic of business jargon, Darwin magazine ran a great article by David Weinberger in their Aug/Sep 2000 edition on "getting real with marketing language." Its a fine read.

'Anti-Marketing' Marketing from Pizza Inn

Since this is Brand Autopsy, I’m gonna put on my marketing coroner gloves and get to work probing what went wrong with this Pizza Inn print ad that ran in the Dallas Morning News on Super Bowl Sunday.

Background Information
Pizza Inn website
Nasdaq (PZZI)
$58.5 million sales (FY'03)
420 locations (concentrated in the southern half of the United States)
Key competitors include: Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Dominoes, among many other pizza chains

Click above to examine the Pizza Inn print ad.

An Open Letter to Pizza Lovers:

Today, on the biggest televised sporting event of the year, you’ll see action, excitement, and the thrills and spills of football at its best. But there’s one thing you won’t see this afternoon – a single commercial from Pizza Inn.

>> I’ll let the contrived “Pizza Lovers” opening slide by because this ad has many more fatal errors than that one. The first fatal error being that “open letter” advertising formats are best used when companies need to make an apology or to publicly admit guilt of some sort. Because of these strong “negative” associations with “open letter” advertising formats, I do not think Pizza Inn choose the right format to tell their positive story. Now, if this was a response ad to a “mad cow pepperoni scare,” then I would say the open letter format works. However, there is no “mad cow pepperoni scare” (at least not to my knowledge).

COMMERCIALS, THE SUPER BOWL, AND CHEESY PICK-UP LINES

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Click here for an UPDATED posting from Feb. 4, 2006

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MAN, I CAN HARDLY HEAR MYSELF THINK IN HERE. THIS PLACE IS REALLY HAPPENING TONIGHT. THE MUSIC IS LOUD, THE LADIES ARE LOOKING GOOD, THE LIBATIONS ARE FLOWING, AND THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG. BOO-YAA!!!!

WHY AM I SCREAMIN’? WELL, ISN’T THAT WHAT ONE HAS TO DO TO GET HEARD AT A BAR THAT PACKED WALL-TO-WALL WITH HIP SINGLES LOOKING FOR A HOOK-UP?

BUT WAIT, I’m not at the “ohh so trendy” bar that is hippest and most happenin’ spot in town.

NOPE, I’M ONE OF THE MILLIONS OF ELIGIBLE CUSTOMERS WATCHING THE SUPER BOWL ADS -- AND I AM LOOKING GOOD TONIGHT. AFTER ALL, THIS PLACE IS FULL OF SEXY BRANDS HOPING TO SCORE A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH ME. BOO-YAA!!! (Last “boo-yaa” … I promise.)

I CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR ALL THE GREAT PICK-UP LINES FROM THESE SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS.

YEAR AFTER YEAR, I’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF HEARING SOME AWESOME PICK-UP LINES FROM SOME SEXY BRANDS. LAST YEAR, I HOOKED UP WITH PEPSI -- THOSE BRITNEY SPEARS SPOTS WERE THE BOMB!

A FEW YEARS AGO, I HOOKED-UP WITH DORITOS … ALL BECAUSE OF THOSE ALI LANDRY COMMERCIALS. AND BEFORE THAT, I HOOKED UP WITH SOME REAL PUSSYCATS THANKS TO THE EDS HERDING CATS SPOTS.

Ridiculous, ain’t it? And to think, companies are spending about $2.25 million for each 30-second encounter with 90 million eligible customers to deliver their best pick-up line in hopes of scoring a one-night brand stand.

Advertising at the Super Bowl is like being trapped in a cheesy singles bar. No thank you, I’ll pass. Instead, my best friend knows a gal from work and he tells me she is just my type.