Brand Autopsy

Finally, a marketing agency that is transparent enough to tell prospective clients the truth.
Our main strategy is to convince people that we do stuff they can't do themselves, and that we deserve lots of money for it. The best way to do this is to always look good, and always sound like we know something you don't.

If you're still not convinced, we'll show you lots of market research and cost analysis and global positioning strategy reports to confuse you and hopefully convince you that we're so knowledgeable you couldn't possibly succeed without us. Because you can't. So don't even try.

And get this … they are solutions-focused.
Our creative team will come up with ideas you never even thought of. How could you? You don't have the talent we do. Don't take it personally. That's our job. That's what we do. We do stuff.

Most companies like ours just provide regular solutions. Not us. We provide solutions that are revolutionary and groundbreaking. Our solutions are newer than anyone else's, and they sound better because we give them cool titles like "Global Awareness Paradigms," and "Market Consciousness Philosophies," and "Creative Product Re-development Support."

When we deliver your new business strategies to you, they'll be in really snazzy binders that look nice sitting on big, round meeting tables, so you'll know you got your money's worth. When your project has been completed, we'll give you several follow-up phone calls to give the appearance that we
even remember who you are or what we sold you.

Huh?

Yes, huh?

Thanks to David Young at Branding Blog for alerting the blogging community to this outrageously funny marketing agency satire website. Just the thing to end this cynical marketer’s day who has endured numerous pitch calls and leafed through numerous pitch letters/documents from marketing and advertising agencies today.